One More Thought for the Day

•February 22, 2017 • 1 Comment

"No matter how cynical you become, it’s never enough to keep up. "
– Lilly Tomlin

Five Thoughts for the Day

•February 22, 2017 • 1 Comment

1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemies but remember their name.

3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you the next time they’re in trouble.

4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

What’s Worse Than ISIS?

•February 16, 2017 • Leave a Comment

Words of Wisdom

•February 5, 2017 • Leave a Comment

1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good either.
2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
3. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
4. I’d explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
5. Someday we’ll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.

6. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
7. Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.
8. Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
9. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn’t there the first time you need him, chances are you won’t be needing him again.
10. I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

11. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the hell is the ceiling?!"
12. My Reality Check bounced.
13. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
14. I don’t suffer from stress. I’m a carrier.
15. You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

16. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
17. Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.
18. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

Just a Few Thoughts on Coffee

•February 1, 2017 • Leave a Comment

Mac King’s Rope Trick

•January 31, 2017 • Leave a Comment

Las Vegas magician Mac King has a trick that’s so notoriously difficult to figure out, even Penn and Teller have admitted they have no clue how he does it. See if you can spot the magic behind Mac King’s rope trick. After all, it’s just one rope… how hard could it be?

The Perfect Squelch

•January 31, 2017 • 1 Comment

After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his seat and closed his eyes. As he sat there and the crew readied the train for departure, a woman sitting next to him pulled out her mobile phone and started talking in a loud voice.

"Hi sweetheart. It’s Sue. I’m on the train. Yes, I know it’s the six thirty and not the four thirty one, but I had a long meeting. No, honey, not with that Kevin from the accounting office. It was with the boss. No sweetheart, you’re the only one in my life. Yes, I’m sure, cross my heart!"

Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly. When the man sitting next to her had enough, he leaned over and said into the phone, "Sue, hang up the phone and come back to bed."

Sue doesn’t use her mobile phone in public any longer.