Wife on the Phone with her Husband

•December 13, 2017 • Leave a Comment

Wife: I don’t know what to do. It’s so cold and the car doesn’t turn on, won’t start. And now the dashboard is showing a picture of a man taking a dump. Come quickly!

Husband: What? Can you send me a photo of the man taking a dump?

Wife: Sure Honey, here it is:

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Flying is For the Birds

•November 8, 2017 • Leave a Comment

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Signs

•November 3, 2017 • Leave a Comment

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My New Windows

•November 2, 2017 • Leave a Comment

At my age, I run into all kinds of people.

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind. Today, I got a call from Home Depot who installed them. The caller complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn’t paid for them.

Just because I’m a Senior Citizen doesn’t mean that I am automatically mentally challenged. So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year–that these windows would pay for themselves in a year.

Hellooooo? It’s been a year, so they’re paid for, I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.

TFTD

•November 1, 2017 • 1 Comment

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies."

– Groucho Marx

So…NEVER Do This

•October 23, 2017 • 1 Comment

From one of the guys I work with…

So I’m in the men’s room taking a wiz and my phone rings. I reach into my pants pocket to retrieve it and damn near dropped it in the urinal. As I struggle to get control of it, Mr. Winky jumps back into my pants and I start pissing myself. From zipper to shoes before I could get the valve to shut off. So after almost a whole role of hand towels trying to soak it all up and a couple of laps around the parking lot in the sun, I’m now back at my desk.

Dude… Never answer your phone while standing at the urinal!

Oh, and, the phone call… It was my wife telling me to look at her text message, as her “Night Sleep” app (that she sometimes runs on her phone at night to see if she can figure out why she doesn’t sleep), had recorded me farting the biggest fart she has ever heard and she had sent me a link. Insult to injury.

I hate Mondays!

Card Trick

•October 10, 2017 • 1 Comment

I like magic tricks: some I can figure out; others not so much. This might possibly be the most amazing card trick you have EVER seen! It was developed by the magician after the terrorist attacks in Paris, France. Supposedly, he did this in front of Penn and Teller on TV and they just shook their heads in disbelief.