So I’m at the Wal-Mart buying a bag of dog food. While in the check-out line, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Why else would I be buying dog food, right?
So on impulse, I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog. “I’m starting the dog food diet again. I probably shouldn’t because I ended up in the hospital the last time. I lost 50 pounds before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.”
I told her it was essentially perfect diet. “All you do is load your pockets with food nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well, and I’m going to try it again.”
I should add that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.
Horrified, this check asked if I ended up in the ICU because the dog food poisoned me. I told her, “No, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle’s ass and a car hit me.”
I thought the guy behind me was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.