Simpson’s Parody on Cryptocurrencies

•February 12, 2018 • Leave a Comment

Seen on a FB Page

•February 12, 2018 • Leave a Comment

Somewhat adultish but still quite funny…

He’s Right

•February 10, 2018 • Leave a Comment

So it seems that these four Rabbis had a series of theological arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth. One day, the odd Rabbi out, after the usual "3 to 1, majority rules” statement that signified that he had lost again, decided to appeal to a higher authority…

"Oh, God!" he cried. "I know in my heart that I am right and they are wrong! Please give me a sign to prove it to them.”

It was a beautiful, sunny day. As soon as the Rabbi finished his prayer, a storm cloud moved across the sky above the four. It rumbled once and dissolved. "A sign from God.!! See, I’m right, I knew it!” But the other three disagreed, pointing out that storm clouds form on hot days.

So the Rabbi prayed again: "Oh, God, I need a bigger sign to show that I am right and they are wrong. So please, God, a bigger sign.”

This time four storm clouds appeared, rushed toward each other to form one big cloud, and a bolt of lightning slammed into a tree on a nearby hill. "I told you I was right!" cried the Rabbi, but his friends insisted that nothing had happened that could not be explained by natural causes.

The Rabbi was getting ready to ask for a *very big* sign, but just as he said, "Oh God…," the sky turned pitch black, the earth shook, and a deep, booming voice intoned, "HEEEEEEEE’S RIIIGHT!" The Rabbi put his hands on his hips, turned to the other three, and said, "Well?" "So," shrugged one of the other Rabbis, "now it’s 3 to 2.”


•February 10, 2018 • Leave a Comment

“I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.”
— Garrison Keillor

“Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.”
— Robin Williams

I have a grip on reality–just not this particular one.

Laws of Boy Scout Summer Camp

•February 9, 2018 • Leave a Comment

1. The number of mosquitoes at any given location is inversely proportional to the amount of insect repellent remaining.
2. The distance to a given camp site is constant as twilight approaches.
3. Any stone in a hiking boot will migrate to the point of maximum pressure.

4. The probability of dysentery increases with the square of the poison ivy content of the local vegetation.
5. Universally, all foods assume the uniform, taste, texture, and color when freeze-dried.
6. Tent stakes come only in quantity "N-1", where N=the number of stakes required to hold down the tent.

7. When utilizing a mummy bag, the urgency to urinate is inversely proportional to the amount of clothing worn.
8. Waterproof clothing isn’t. It is however, 100% effective at retaining sweat.
9. Weight of the backpack increases in direct proportion to the amount of food consumed from it.

10. When hiking boots are removed, it is not possible to put them back on.
11. Water bottles that are full when packed, will spontaneously deplete prior to arrival at campsite.
12. Under any condition, matches will find a way to get wet.

13. A single rock located under a tent will also be found to relocate under the sleeping bag.
14. All tree branches grow outward at exactly the height of the human nose.
15. The sun sets 3.5 times faster than normal when setting up camp.

16. No matter where you are going it’s the wrong path.
17. No matter where you end up it is the wrong campsite.
18. Blisters always occur in a triplet arrangement on the human foot.

19. Socks which are designated as "an dry extra pair" won’t be.
20. The universal constants are rain, poison ivy, and spiders.
21. The amount of rain that falls in the middle of the night, in inches, is equal to the distance you must travel to reach dry ground squared.

Football vs. Baseball

•January 30, 2018 • 1 Comment

Football is an action-packed game of inches, while baseball is a leisure afternoon on the grass. The difference can be appreciated by watching the head coaches. In football, the head coach is roaming up and down the sidelines, screaming at players, calling his assistant coaches in for consultations, and speaking by radio to observers in the stands. In baseball, the head coach is standing at the edge of the dugout with one foot up on the railing while he chews tobacco or sunflower seeds and occasionally spits in blasé fashion.

Conclusion: in baseball, even the head coach isn’t interested in the game.

Just a Few Smiles

•January 29, 2018 • Leave a Comment

A couple of reruns but a number of new ones as well.