Understanding Engineers

Understanding Engineers #1

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.” The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”

Understanding Engineers #2

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers #3

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!” The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!” The priest said, “Here comes the greens-keeper. Let’s have a word with him.”

He said, “Hello George, What’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”

The greenskeeper replied, “Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!.”

The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.” The doctor said, “Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything she can do for them.” The engineer said, “Why can’t they play at night?”

Understanding Engineers #4

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers #5

The graduate with a science degree asks, “Why does it work?” The graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?” The graduate with an accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?” The graduate with an arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

Understanding Engineers #6

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.” Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.” The last one said, “No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”

Understanding Engineers #7

Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers #8

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.” Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess and that I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”

The engineer said, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog – now that’s cool.”

Understanding Engineers #9

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

“We’re supposed to find the height of this flagpole,” one of them said, “but we don’t have a ladder.”

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, “Twenty one feet, six inches,” and walked away.

One engineer shook his head and laughed, “A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!”

Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently serving in the United States Congress.

~ by yougottobekidding on July 14, 2013.

8 Responses to “Understanding Engineers”

  1. Carla, I think you’ll appreciate this and hopefully make you laugh! The one about the frog reminds me of Sheldon Cooper. =)

    Sent from The hannaisePhone =p Hannaise Cruz

  2. May I reblog this?

  3. Reblogged this on bearspawprint and commented:
    Until my own generation my family was a family of engineers. . —— I recently sent my father, for his 90th birthday what I thought was a masterful piece of art work that I had toiled on, specifically for him ——-only to be told that not only did my effort have no purpose but that it was useless as a diagram or anything else. The aesthetic value had no meaning and it didn’t illustrate anything he needed illustrated. He didn’t even appreciate that I had confronted him with an enigma. Oh well, that sort of enigma just wastes engineers time, and from his point of view, the time of the artists, as well. Sigh. I apologized for sending him a worthless piece of frivol and sent him a gift card to his favorite book store. He was delighted at the improved gift and appreciated the understanding my apology evidenced. He told me it was an “engineer thing”. —— Bear

  4. It probably won’t improve my status to confess that I’m a software engineer by day, will it?…

    • Au contraire. Having spent 20+ years writing code (and I still do it from time to time), I have nothing but the most respect for those who earn their living by flipping a bit or two here and there. It is an inherently difficult task to begin with and is only complicated by unreasonable business constraints and short-sighted decisions.

      You, sir, are most welcomed here.

  5. Hahahaha Dad sent me a #10 for this list:

    #10 To a scientist Pi is 3.1416+. To an engineer Pi is 3.

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