Sorry, but I Needed a Work Diversion

During sex, you burn as many calories as running 5 miles. Now tell me: who the hell can run 5 miles in 30 seconds?

To-Do List:

– Hire two private investigators. Have them follow each other.
– Major in philosophy. Ask them why they would want fries with that.
– Make vanilla pudding. Put it in a mayo jar. Eat it in public.
– Become a teacher. Make a test where every answer is C. Sit back and enjoy the show.
– Run into a store, ask someone what year it is, when they answer scream out, “It worked” then run out of the store.
– Buy a horse. Name it “Oscar Takes the Lead.” Enter it into a horse race.
– Change your name to Simon. Speak only in the third-person.
– Become a doctor. Change your last name to Acula.
– Buy a parrot. Teach it to say, “Help! I’ve been turned into a parrot.”

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~ by yougottobekidding on June 17, 2012.