Computer Thoughts for the Day

1. Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there’s Google.
2. Failure is not an option — it comes bundled with Windows.
3. COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods.
4. Artificial Intelligence usually beats natural stupidity.
5. To err is human … to really foul up requires the root password.

6. Like car accidents, most hardware problems are due to driver error.
7. If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0.
8. Programmers are tools for converting caffeine into code.
9. Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users?
10. See daddy? All the keys are in alphabetical order now.

11. Windows Vista: It’s like upgrading from Bill Clinton to George W. Bush.
12. Life would be so much easier if we only had the source code.
13. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
14. The only problem with troubleshooting is that sometimes trouble shoots back.
15. Crap … Someone knocked over my recycle bin. Now there are icons all over my desktop!

16. Relax, its only ONES and ZEROS!
17. I don’t care if you ARE getting a PhD in it! Get away from that damn computer and go find a woman!
18. If brute force doesn’t solve your problems, then you aren’t using enough.
19. Microsoft: You’ve got questions. We’ve got dancing paperclips.
20. I’m not anti-social; I’m just not user friendly

21. I went to a gentleman’s cybercafe – and they offered me a ‘laptop dance’.
22. The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents.
23. If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
24. Any fool can use a computer. Many do.
25. Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.

26. Computer language design is just like a stroll in the park. Jurassic Park, that is.

~ by yougottobekidding on February 5, 2012.