Arab Dog versus Israeli Dog

•July 29, 2014 • 4 Comments

The Israelis and Arabs realized that, if they continued fighting, they would someday end up destroying the whole world. So they decided to settle their dispute with an ancient practice: a duel of two, like David and Goliath. This "duel" would be a dog fight.

The negotiators agreed each side would take 5 years to develop the best fighting dog they could. The dog that won the fight would earn its people the right to rule the disputed areas. The losing side would have to lay down its arms for good.

The Arabs found the biggest, meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers in the world. They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the meanest Siberian wolves.

They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy of each litter, fed it the best food and killed all the other puppies. They used steroids and trainers in their quest for the perfect killing machine. After the 5 years were up, they had a dog that needed steel prison bars on its cage. Only expert trainers could handle this incredibly nasty and ferocious beast.

When the day of the big dog-fight finally arrived, the Israelis showed up with a very strange-looking animal, a Dachshund that was 10 feet long!

Everyone at the dogfight arena felt sorry for the Israelis. No one there seriously thought this weird, odd-looking animal stood any chance against the growling beast over in the Arab camp. All the bookies took one look and predicted that the Arab dog would win in less than a minute.

As the cages were opened, the Dachshund slowly waddled toward the center of the ring.

The Arab dog leaped from its cage and charged the giant wiener-dog.

As he got to within an inch of the Israeli dog, the Dachshund opened its jaws and swallowed the Arab beast whole in one bite. There was nothing left but a small puff of fur from the Arab killer dog’s tail floating to the ground.

The stunned crowd of international observers, bookies, and media personnel let out a collective gasp of disbelief and surprise.

The Arabs approached the Israelis, muttering and shaking their heads in disbelief. "We do not understand," said their leader, "Our top scientists and breeders worked for 5 long years with the meanest, biggest Dobermans, Rottweilers and Siberian wolves, and they developed an incredible killing machine of a dog!"

The Israelis replied. "Well, for 5 years, we have had a team of Jewish plastic surgeons from Boca Raton working to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."

Plumber of the Year Award Finalists

•July 24, 2014 • 3 Comments

&%$@#

Hmmmmm…

Should have measured twice

Apparently, you don’t want anyone seeing your face, but everything else is okay?

The oak seat is a nice touch.

And the purpose for the door is?

This stall is for people that have arms like an orangutan.

This would be the “half bath” noted in the real estate listing?

Very classy! And only three steps to the throne when you’re in a hurry!

How does this even get past the planning phase?

And now the drum roll please…
And the plumber of the year award goes to:

Absolutely brilliant.

Why Many Pilots Often Prefer Airplanes Over Women

•July 21, 2014 • 1 Comment

* Airplanes usually kill you quickly; a woman takes her time.

* Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.

* Airplanes don’t get mad if you do a "touch and go."

* Airplanes don’t object to a pre-flight inspection.

* Airplanes come with a manual to explain their operation.

* Airplanes have strict weight and balance limitations.

* Airplanes can be flown at any time of the month.

* Airplanes don’t come with in-laws.

* Airplanes don’t care about how many other airplanes you’ve flown before.

* Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time.

* Airplanes don’t mind if you look at other airplanes.

* Airplanes don’t mind if you buy airplane magazines.

* Airplanes expect to be tied down.

* Airplanes don’t comment on your piloting skills.

* Airplanes don’t whine unless something is really wrong.

* However, when airplanes go quiet, just like women: it’s usually not good.

France Passes Anti-Amazon Law Eliminating Free Shipping; Amazon Responds With 0.01 Euro Shipping Fees

•July 16, 2014 • Leave a Comment

It’s amazing what happens when non-competitive businesses try to legislate an advantage rather than compete.

https://www.techdirt.com/articles/20140711/12493527855/france-passes-anti-amazon-law-eliminating-free-shipping-amazon-responds-with-001-shipping-fees.shtml?utm_content=buffer04668&utm_medium=social&utm_source=linkedin.com&utm_campaign=buffer

Flowers That Look Like Something Else

•July 9, 2014 • Leave a Comment

I got these from a friend via Email. I don’t know who put this collection together; I would like to give that person credit. But whoever he/she is, they did a marvelous job.

Monkey Face Orchid (Dracula Simia)
flowers that look like something else

flowers that look like something else

flowers that look like something else

 

Moth Orchid (Phalaenopsis)
flowers that look like something else

flowers that look like something else

flowers that look like something else

 

Naked Man Orchid (Orchis Italica)
flowers that look like something else

flowers that look like something else

flowers that look like something else

 

Hooker’s Lips (Psychotria Elata)
flowers that look like something else

 

Dancing Girls (Impatiens Bequaertii)
flowers that look like something else

 

Laughing Bumble Bee Orchid (Ophrys bomybliflora)
flowers that look like something else

flowers that look like something else

 

Swaddled Babies (Anguloa Uniflora)
flowers that look like something else

 

Parrot Flower (Impatiens Psittacina)
flowers that look like something else

flowers that look like something else

flowers that look like something else

 

Snap Dragon Seed Pod (Antirrhinum)
flowers that look like something else

 

Flying Duck Orchid (Caleana Major)
flowers that look like something else

flowers that look like something else

 

An orchid that looks remarkably like a tiger
flowers that look like something else

 

Happy Alien (Calceolaria Uniflora)
flowers that look like something else

And his friends…
flowers that look like something else

 

Angel Orchid (Habenaria Grandifloriformis)
flowers that look like something else

flowers that look like something else

 

Dove Orchid or Holy Ghost Orchid (Peristeria Elata)
flowers that look like something else

flowers that look like something else

flowers that look like something else

 

White Egret Orchid (Habenaria Radiata)
flowers that look like something else

flowers that look like something else

flowers that look like something else

 

The Darth Vader (Aristolochia Salvadorensis)
flowers that look like something else

flowers that look like something else

flowers that look like something else

 

An Orchid That Looks Like a Ballerina
flowers that look like something else

Finally: a Job Board Ad that Tells It Like It Is … Plus Some

•July 8, 2014 • Leave a Comment

3D Drawings on Vending Machines

•July 8, 2014 • Leave a Comment

There is an employment agency in Germany. One of their advertising gimmicks is putting these 3D posters on various machines throughout Germany.

With a cigarette in his face while pumping gas, he definitely doesn’t want to keep job for long.

 
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